Getting in touch with your Spiritual Penis!

I once started to write a self help book called 'The Spiritual Penis'. It was going to be a self empowerment book for women teaching them how they could harness the power of the penis to help them to be more assertive and confident.

The idea being that they would visualise their own spiritual penis and adopt the male stance and presence and thereby enjoy the strength gained from embracing this symbol of masculinity.

I got so far with diagrams and tutorials and after fits of laughter trying to demonstrate how to handle ones spiritual penis gave up on the project. But I had such fun writing it.

The book was never meant to be taken seriously, it was a 'spoof' self help book, but I just know that somewhere some woman would have been taking her spiritual penis to work with her and giving the men folk a load of jip and frightening the tea lady!

Anyway for your delight I've found a copy!!

Here it is:
"Getting in touch with your Spiritual Penis

Essential guide to self empowerment for women

With this book you can learn how to:

· Win friends and motivate people
· Get that job you’ve always wanted
· Achieve inner peace and calm as you thrust your spiritual penis in the face of outstanding adversity!

How to use this book
In order to benefit from all that this alternative therapy has to offer you must first master the techniques of acquiring your own spiritual penis. While later in the book we will discuss the art of sharing spiritual penis’s with others, for now you must first acquire your own. Do not be tempted to skip this part of the book and thrust ahead as you will miss the chance to master the essential visualisation techniques required to acquire your very own spiritual penis.

Spiritual penis enlightenment is NOT a quick fix. It takes weeks of practice and study to fully develop a dynamic and empowering spiritual penis that you can use to enhance your life and the lives of those around you.

Chapter One

Man and his penis
Years of observing the body language of men have taught me that not only do men have a very heightened awareness of their ‘real’ penis but that they also seem to have a ‘virtual penis’. Their virtual penis is what they describe when boasting amongst their friends about their sexual prowess and what they often lovingly refer to ‘as the beast’.

They use their real penis for comfort (replacing the childhood blanket) and of course for sexual gratification. They can enjoy many simple pleasures such as scratching, massaging and fondling. Many men choose to give their penis a name of its own and so establish it as a separate entity which in reality it is not. However as a separate entity it then acquires a ‘mind of its own’ and thus can be blamed separately for any sexual misdemeanour.

All men go through a phase in puberty when the need to establish the exact measurement of their ‘tool’ becomes an all-important ambition. They usually establish this with a ruler.

Men will also share with other men secrets of the ‘trade’ such as: ‘shaving the area at the base of the penis, makes it look bigger’.

Size is all-important to the male.

It is their status symbol; it is their ego personified. Everything male, masculine and masterful is embodied in the penis.

So how can women benefit from this information?

Women, by acquiring their own ‘tool’ (all be it spiritual) can capture the ‘power’ the ‘ego’ the ‘success’ that the confident male is able to exude. They will be able to communicate on the same level as men and beyond. After all a spiritual penis ’unlike a real one has NO limitations.

Chapter 2

Creating your spiritual penis
You will need:

Full length mirror

Setting the scene
It is important that while creating your sp for the first time, that you are in a familiar room, that is completely free from distractions. Ensure that there are likely to be no interruptions and that the room is quiet and of a comfortable temperature.

Spend a few minutes clearing your mind of the concerns and stress's of the day, by quiet contemplation and perhaps listening to some gentle music.

Now you are ready to begin.

Fully clothed, stand erect in front of your full-length mirror.

Hands on hips, feet 1.5ft apart, thrust your weight into your groin and push it forward.

Immediately you should be able to feel a sense of empowerment as you do this. It is important then you focus on any feelings of power that energise you at this time.

Capture the sensation and visualise it as being embodied in your very own spiritual penis. As you wish to increase this sensation of power and enrichment, visualise your sp enlarging. As it enlarges so too should your feelings of self-empowerment.

Shoulders back, maintain your posture.
Focus fully on the energy that is pouring into you and flowing through you into your spiritual penis.

Maintain this posture for as long it makes you feel good."


I should have carried on writing this right?