Why women are crap at D.I.Y. - DIY for Women

A few weeks ago, my loo broke.

Well, that's not strictly true.

I had a minor drip from inside the cistern (probably due to worn washer) and so I decided 'I am WOMAN' I will FIX IT MYSELF'.

So, I loosened a little screw thing, which released the water to make a bigger drip, an unstoppable drip in fact. I was unable to retighten the screw, it was stuck!

So, I went to my sons room, gathered some 'stuff'' and fitted the 'stuff' between the screw and thing that it needed to press against to stop the water gushing out (valve thingy).

Yahoo it worked! Toilet fixed, BY ME! 1 nil to girl power.

I spent lovely coffee morning with my pals, had some friends over, collected daughter from school, came home

It's raining in my kitchen. The toilet cistern has overflowed, is dripping through my electric lights, onto my kitchen floor. Bathroom floor is ruined; all tiles (which I fitted myself not so very long ago) are lifting off the floor.

But I couldn't stop the water gushing everywhere!

I did what any sane female would do and phoned first bloke I could think of i.e. my ex!

BUT, he was working and out of town, so what was I to do. I tried to locate the indoor stopcock to turn off all the water to the house, but couldn't turn it off, as it was stiff. I remembered this tap being an issue when we fitted the kitchen 2yrs earlier. I had asked the ex to replace it! He had not so I tried to locate the outside tap to turn off the water supply. That was of course after another phone call to ex to rant about him not replacing that stiff tap!

Outside, I bravely opened the cover to the hole where the tap should be. A giant pig eating spider leapt out at me, so swiftly the cover went back down.

Nothing left to do now, but ring the emergency services!

I rang the emergency water board, to see under what circumstances they would come out and turn this tap off for me, so I didn't have to.

It was NOT good news.

I was told I had to lie on the pavement and put my whole arm down the narrow (barely arms width) hole, as the tap was some two feet down.



It was dark in that hole! Armed with torch, plastic bag over my arm, I approached the hole. I established that it was now pig-eating spider free and then did it. Put my arm in the hole. No tap!

No tap! It was covered and submerged in dirt.

My arm wasn't long enough to dig it out.

Several phone calls later I found out I needed a long tap turning off thingy. So, I got kids and myself together and we went to the hardware shop. They never had one, but sold me something I could use to dig out this tap.

So, it was dark now.

I had a go at digging, arm in hole. Not so bad now, as was second attempt.

Finally ex arrived at the scene! By that time though I had roped in my next-door neighbour to help find this outdoor tap. So then both of them set to, trying to dig around it so we could turn off the water to the house.

No luck, we just could not find it. I called the water board again to rant about this missing tap! They said how much it would cost for them to come out and turn the water off for me but then I'd have the problem of them coming back to turn it on again.

What to do? what to do?

I called my plumber friend (not in my area so no home visit) to see if we could somehow turn off the water some other way and he mentioned freezing the pipe.

So, the ex went under the kitchen sink to look at the stiff stop cock tap and see if the pipe could be 'frozen' or whatever.

"Oh!" he exclaimed

"Here's the NEW stopcock tap I fitted when I fitted the kitchen"

And promptly turned the water off.

The moral of this story dear readers:

'DO NOT rely on females to pass on accurate information about the presence of absence of things pertaining to plumbing!'



(It took two days after this to fix the loo - ex did it all, bless!)

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