I can't ..... I'm on my period!

How often do women use this expression to get out of doing things they don't enjoy!
What an advantage we have over men ay! They have no idea whether we are or aren't or how uncomfortable and indiscreet it is; only what we tell 'em. Which if we are ladies, is nothing at all!

So let's list the times this excuse comes into operation:

To avoid sex. Very common - usually the real reason for declining is that we haven't shaved our legs, but we could NEVER admit to that!

To avoid playing sports - I used to get out of running the 800m race on Sports day with the old 'I'm on my period' excuse. I hadn't even started them at that time and really hoped the teacher did not ask for details! But that's one thing you can be guaranteed of with an excuse like this, is that you will NEVER be asked for details.

To avoid stakeout duties. Here's an interesting TRUE story I heard recently. A certain female Police officer assigned to stake-out duties (which involves sitting for hours/days on end in a single room) gets out of her share of stake-outs by conveniently being on her period.

Time off work. Well this excuse only really works if your boss is a man. A female boss will require a GP's note that you suffer more than the average. Some women have terrible pain, which is a genuine reason for being off work. Overall though women are much less sympathetic towards these matters.

So what would be the male equivalent for ....."I'm on my period'?

Maybe it's "I can't go to shop and buy you Tampax, it's not manly"

Or "I can't wear that shirt, it's too 'gay'."

Something else?